My jaw hurts. My teeth are gnashing, so I feel like biting down on something. I tried lots of things: one of the plastic pilsners we have around (left toothmarks), a pen (too small), butterknife with paper towel wrapped around (it was handy), stress ball elastic yo-yo swag from last UTC job fair (two experiments were OK but trying it for longer I got too much and gagged on it).
So when I want to bite something, nothing beats the jaw-pleasing texture of my own tender human flesh. Mmmmm-mm!