So while I'm rather... oh... incapacitated, trying to keep myself motile using chai with real cow milk and Sale Creek honey, though I supposed after spending my morning over three cups and ending up lightheaded a moment I should've eaten something too and preparing some stunningly delicious chili ramen with peas... I finish this sentence.
So here are some things I need to do, but am not doing, because making lists is one of the few things familiar enough for me to accomplish right now, when I should be doing something else:
- finish discovering my neural network approach to the Blackjack agent, a big chunk of CS480 Artificial Intelligence final, was ill-fated from the start, so I can have a lot to write about to justify my very simple algorithm, though perhaps I should've read a book on card counting or something if I really want to score some points (due: 1 December)
- read this 550 page book on Gandhi I got from the library because the assigned one for HIST114 Heroes and Villains is, like, out of print or something (due: 27 November)
- read the rather shorter book on Ho Chi Minh for HIST114 Heroes and Villains that I only recently got after thinking of looking in the other parts of the Biography section at McKay's (due: 27 November)
- write a letter (due: omg like yesterday)
- write a muck news post about holiday revelry (due: this weekend for all—after Thanksgiving)
- write/finish mailmux (due: i dunno, whenever)
- write résumés for Linden Lab and Six Apart (due: not exactly shooting low, are we? jesus h.)
- write third-party for-pay LiveJournal search service (due: shortly after it becomes salable, you...!!)
I fear I made myself sick screwing up my chi by starting two moves out of order during my final tai chi class. I fear I'm soaking up despair for my dear friend. I feel so lost... but I managed to drag myself up from the noise engulfing me in one of the few warm spots in the house to write this.
I trust myself and my friends. I do have aspirations. I know I can do it—now I just have to feel that way.